I had a really bad night, I used all my behaviours apart from drinking, that was only because I didn't have anything to drink or any money to go and buy some. Today feels a bit better, but the pain in my head is like a blinding white light, my skin is on fire from the crawling bugs in my blood, the things talking and moving behind the walls are getting so loud, the memories just won't leave me alone...I'm trying. I am really fucking trying. Getting up every day, getting dressed, going out and doing something, making plans, tying myself to the future and therefore staying alive...
I want to go back on Risperdal. I want a break from trying to keep myself safe. I want a break from living in my head. I want a break from... life.
I am tired. I am so bone achingly fucking tired.
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