Sleep the clock around

I had an okay day yesterday, I had counselling which was okay and then I went out to eat with one of my best friends and then to a gig. I was meant to be meeting up with my ex-flatmate today to go to London Comic-Con but I had such an awful nightmare last night, about being pregnant, and when I woke up I just couldn't bring myself to move. I feel like a complete shit for letting my friend now and that just makes me want to isolate myself even more.

My appointment with the psychiatrist is a week on Friday, I want to ask about going back on Risperdal but I just can't see how I can bring myself to do it because I really don't want to stop taking Seroquel either, it's the only thing that gives me a shot at a decent night's sleep. I don't know, I'm going to come across as this drug seeking idiot and I really don't want that, with the whole BPD thing, I end up feeling like I don't have the right to ask for anything because 'drugs don't help' and it's just... argh! I know the things I see/hear/feel aren't real, but they still bother me, they still get in the way of my 'normal life', like the days I'm just too scared to go outside.

I just don't know.

I also keep bursting into random crying fits over Deathly Hallows, knowing that it's going to be all over in less than a week, the fact that it'll be the day after the last ever time I see Bright Eyes the day before is making the whole thing overly-emotional. It's like all the little things that keep me going are not going to be there soon... Heartsick!