Do something pretty while you can

On a beech tree, rudely carved
"NC loved me"
Why did she do it?
Was she scared?
Was she bored?

On a beech tree, rudely carved
"NC loved me"
why did she do it?
Was she scared?
Was she pushed?

Do something pretty while you can
Don't fall asleep
Skating a pirouette on ice is cool

Do something pretty while you can
Don't be a fool
Reading the Gospel to yourself is fine

On a bus stop in the town
"We Rule The School"
Written for anyone to read and to see

On a bus stop in the town
"We Rule The School"
Written for anyone with eyes in their heads

Do something pretty while you can
Don't fall asleep
Writing from California to New York

Call me a prophet if you want
It's no secret

You know the world was made for men
You know the world was made for men
You know the world was made for men
Not us

- 'We Rule The School' by Belle and Sebastian

I am still not over hearing that song live the other night. Stuart Murdoch stole my heart with those three minutes.

Some of the time I feel okay and then I crash completely and end up shaking and crying locked away on my own for hours. I tried to go out with my flatmates and couldn't stick it out so ended up walking all the way back through town on my own sobbing.

I'm scared of trying to reach out because in my head all I can hear is you're weak and stupid and should just bloody get on with it.

I'm so desperately fighting to be okay, to stay well, but it's like it's not enough. Willpower and plans and fighting isn't enough. What is? What do I have to do to make it stop? Why is it that my life and mental health fall apart just as I've got it back together.

I am tired of fighting and not getting anywhere...