Black History Month - The Angry Black Woman

 No not Selita Ebanks - but I'll get back to her later.

 Never,... ever, ever, ever, EVER get caught looking at/talking to/dancing with a non-Black woman when Black women are around.

This past Superbowl weekend we had a lot of promotions at the clubs.
My liquor reps are nice looking non-Black women who always make sure that my clubs get promotional resources from their respective liquor conglomerates.
These girls look out for me and make sure that I'm always hooked-up.

But one of the swag items was a deck of cards from Captain Morgan rum.
The deck featured a number of non-Black women but only one Black woman each wearing coquettish pirate outfits.
At first, the women at these clubs were upset that we gave out decks of cards with half-naked women on them.
Later, these women became even more upset when their husbands, boyfriends and acquaintances began to ogle these "damn white girls" pictured on the cards.
But these guys weren't just looking because the pictured women were white - these guys were looking because for the past three or four months all they've seen are women in a lot of clothes who are gaining even more weight as the Winter drags on.
These men knew that the images were just a fantasy, that most of them would still be going home with the same woman with whom they came.

My boy Floyd owns a popular local restaurant.
He is married to one of the Blackest and prettiest women in town.
Being polite, he offered to teach one of my reps how to dance in a Swingout style.
The girl had taken dance classes all her life and was a quick study.
After a few songs the girl had to leave to go to other bars and clubs.
But after doing this, my boy Floyd was shunned by every Black woman in the club.
"Go dance with your skinny white bitch again.", many women said when they were asked to dance.
But Floyd is an old school cat who is a member of almost every Black club or social group that promotes the advancement of Black people.
He belongs to Swingout Clubs and has danced with most of these women in the past.
But never a white woman in a Black club.
Some women became so upset that they said that they would never go to his restaurant ever again.

Then the ish really hit the fan.
When the PepsiMax ad was shown the women in the club became even more upset.
"Oh... why they gotta' show a Mad Black Woman again?", many said.
"Ummm... didn't we already have this discussion when y'all got mad at Floyd for dancing with Summer? Didn't y'all get mad when your men were looking at playing cards with women who weren't even here?", I said.
Yet again, I have a group of Black women mad at me.

While looks (and ultimately attraction) are subjective, these men were just imagining an 'upgrade'.
By now, everyone has seen the State Farm commercial where a guy and a girl each wish for and receive an upgrade in their current partner.
Regardless of ones race, many people do this.

And if I was sitting next to a woman who resembled Mo'Nique and had the chance to get with Selita Ebanks - Big Mo would have to find another way home.