This means nothing to me. This means nothing so spare me the lies.

"There is nothing to me.
There is nothing though there was a time
I had felt elation before all sensation died.

I cannot breathe.
I can't deny that I've been feigning,
for you, every vital sign defied.

This means nothing to me.
This means nothing so spare me the lies.
I deny you sympathy just as I have been denied.

I cannot breathe.
I can't deny that I've been faking,
for you, every sign of life.

I died for the last lie,
and the heartbreak for the first time,
I could not take til I made you cry.

This is what you taught me.
This is what you taught - and I learned well -
to recognize that feeling easily can be dispelled.

Show your wounds I'm bored with mine.
Nothing is new.
Don't despair I rarely cry.

Oh my dear please dry your eyes.
Who could harm you?
To hurt you is to be despised, as I'd love to."

- 'Okay, I Feel Better Now' by AFI

I have just about had enough of this bullshit... I got into trouble for not ringing in to DBT for the homework even though I have explain a million times that when things aren't going too well I get this kind of pyschotic relationship with phones and find it impossible to make calls because of the SPIES!!!

Yesterday I hallucinated for the first time in forever, I am still quite convinced that there is a dead man who's gased himself in the car down the road.

And apparantly, my eating issues are just another part of this borderline bollocks.

My exercise routine is GOOD GOOD GOOD apparantly because that's what 'depressed people' need, to get more fucking exercise.

Surrfice to say, I feel like absolute shit right now, like nobody is listening...

Carol reckons I've made a radical transformation, that's me, the fucking definition of mental health recovery success stories, just because I didn't bale out on uni like everyone thought I would, doesn't really mean fuck all.

I don't give up the things that I love and want for anything, that's all that's about, being fucking stubborn as Hell.

Oh well, I guess right now I'm just 'acting out' or something, I cannot stand another year of this bollocks and my problems not being addressed or taken seriously.

If it's gonna be like that then I'll just disengage from fucking everything and live life my way.