Oscar Fashion Review

The best & worst of Oscar 2008:

I jotted these observations down last night as I watched the show. I was shocked that the interviewers didn’t ask many people that oh-so-popular-question, “Who are you wearing?” So in most cases I have not specified a designer. I will go back and modify as more information becomes available. I just wanted to put my two cents in before US Weekly and Stacy London trash all my favorite outfits!

THE GOOD:
Flawless as usual:
1) Penelope Cruz, in a gorgeous feathered strapless gown, I am guessing by Chanel Couture? And I absolutely adored the half-up hair, cascading down her back.
2) Cameron Diaz – I loved her bustle back peach strapless dress.
3) Heidi Klum – delish! The bold-shouldered red gown really suited her. She was the superstar of the red carpet.
4) Nicole Kidman. Incredible, and loved the multi-strand necklace.

Nice Surprises:
1) Miley Cyrus – red cap sleeve, maybe a little grown up but she looked happy and exuded confidence and often, that can make all the difference!
2) Amy Adams – a bit safe with the black strapless, but the sweetheart neckline of this gown was just stunning!

THE BAD:
1) Fortunately, RED was the color of the evening. Unfortunately, two lovely actresses wore nearly identical dresses. First, there is Anne Hathaway, who wore a one-shoulder red gown with what looked like a misplaced lei across her chest. It She was eclipsed by Katherine Heigl, who wore an even better asymmetrical crimson number. It fit better, was more flattering to her shape, and furthermore, she looked more confident wearing it. I’m not saying these women looked bad, just that it’s a shame they were dressed like twins.
2) More support for my thesis that RACHEL ZOE IS EVIL. Previously, I hated her for her bobble head and overrated talent as a stylist. Now I dislike for a real reason: she is a total hypocrite! After telling of the New York Times, “I would never put a girl in black on the red carpet. . .
She brazenly made poor Jennifer Garner (who admittedly cannot dress herself and actually gave credit to the little vole Zoe on the red carpet for selecting her gown) wear, you guessed it: a black dress. The gown was strapless, and textured with ruching, so it wasn’t run-of-the-mill. But Zoe made a fool of Garner. I hope she is eating her words today (because we know she won’t be eating anything else). I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but if your JOB is to dress people, and you are extremely overpaid to do it, don’t make blanket statements or act like you are too good for everyone’s favorite color. I have heard that WOMAN is the new black, but I don’t think that’s a reference to garments.
3) Keri Russell. Oh No! The dress might have worked if it had fit better and been in a bolder color. As it was, the nude strapless gown was swimming on her in the bust, and just accentuated the fact that the girl needs a sandwich. Is no one going to comment on how scary skinny her arms are? I would rather have her chubby with a bad haircut, a la Felicity circa 1999.
4) Rebecca Miller, Daniel Day-Lewis’s wife. I mean, I know you wanted him to shine and all, but did you have to get dressed in the dark? Too many layers! Strange jewels!
5) Ellen Page. I guess she is hoping for career longevity, and one of those “How Far She’s Come” spreads in Elle Magazine in 10 years. I am hoping that this matronly frock was a self-conscious error. And who told you that you could wear a third grade ponytail on the red carpet? Brazen disregard for all that is holy on Academy Awards night.
6) Kelly Preston. Orange not a good shade for her. As my ex-boyfriend once told me: “That color flatters a tan.”
7) Jennifer Hudson. She just can’t get it right, the poor thing. I don’t think André Leon Talley was responsible for this disaster, at least. She looked inflated. Literally. And since when are plump girls allowed to wear white? I know I must sound like the heartless Jone Rivers, but please!
8) Hilary Swank. I know the one-shoulder thing is all the rage right now, and I think Ms. Swank has a gorgeous body, but this Versace gown simply doesn’t flatter a muscular build. She looked a bit Me Tarzan, You Jane for my liking.

THE UGLY:
Tilda Swinton. Velvet BAD. Velvet drapes VERY BAD. How could anyone who cares about this woman let her into the limo looking like that? When you have a nice figure, I want to see more of it that just your forearm. Welcome to L.A., my darling. Show some skin, Best Supporting Actress!

So these are my thoughts, unaided by outside information and influences. What do you think?